My First Solo Trip: How Leaving a Bad Relationship Led Me to Tennessee

I remember the way I felt when I was told that I wasn’t “allowed” to do something. I remember feeling like a child who couldn’t understand why they were in trouble. I dealt with this feeling, among others, for a long time until I had the courage to leave. 

Once I left my abusive relationship, I still struggled with this feeling and other self-destructive behaviors for months, all while fumbling through college. I knew I had to give myself something to look forward to. I reached inward to try and pull out remnants of who I was before, and I remembered how much I loved doing day trips to St. Louis. I wanted to go bigger, though. I remember being told by my ex-partner that I wasn’t “cut out” for camping. So, while sitting in my anatomy class, I booked four nights at a front country campground in the Smoky Mountains, around 8 hours away from my hometown. I wanted to see the mountains and prove to myself that I was capable of anything I set my mind to.

Suddenly I was browsing camping groups on Facebook and adding supplies to my Amazon cart. My one requirement for my tent was that it was tall enough to fit my full-length mirror in. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my cute outfits and makeup for the sake of camping. Don’t let anyone tell you that a little glamping doesn’t count! 

I did a lot while in Tennessee, from hiking 8 miles on the Charlies Bunion Trail to ziplining 540 feet above the ground. Despite all of the thrilling experiences I had in Tennessee, the moments that really stuck with me were simple. Setting up my tent successfully as rain began to pour gave me a sense of accomplishment. Striking up conversations with locals reminded me how much I love meeting new people. Even enjoying a snack at the peak of my hike felt really special. These moments together were much more influential to me. They reminded me that I am capable and deserving, despite being told that I wasn’t.

I think I went to Tennessee to prove something to myself, but I never needed to in the first place. I didn’t know it then, but my trip to the Smoky Mountains was the beginning of many more adventures.